The entire family got up early the next morning and went to worship the LORD once more. Then they returned home to Ramah. When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the LORD remembered her plea, and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the LORD for him.” 1 Samuel 1:19-20 NLT
Elkanah was a Jewish man living in Israel when it was led by judges after Joshua had brought God’s people into the promised land. Elkanah was faithful and obedient to God’s word, following His instruction to annually travel to the tabernacle for worship and sacrifice with his family.
Having multiple wives was common then, and Elkanah had two – Hannah and Peninnah. Although Peninnah had given him children, it was childless Hannah that Elkanah loved. That love and Hannah’s condition led Peninnah to constantly taunt and insult Hannah to the point of tears. Elkanah struggled to comfort Hannah through the pain and disappointment of infertility – his logical reasoning that, “you may not have sons, but at least you have me” fell flat. But Elkanah’s love for God and obedience meant that Hannah was just steps from God’s tabernacle, where her own faith led her to go and make a passionate, authentic prayer asking God for a son, along with a vow to give that son back to God as a servant in the tabernacle. The next morning, they worshipped God together, then returned home, and when Elkanah slept with Hannah the Lord remembered her, and she became pregnant. She named their son Samuel, saying, “I asked the Lord for him.” When Samuel was old enough to be weaned, Elkanah honored God with humility and obedience when they took the boy back to the tabernacle and left him there permanently to serve the Lord. Once more they worshipped together before Hannah powerfully and prophetically prayed and gave thanks. Elkanah’s story ends by noting his annual pilgrimages to the tabernacle where he saw Samuel and received blessing and prayer from the high priest. Together, Elkanah and Hannah had three more sons and two daughters! Samuel, a child birthed from an infertility journey, became his nation’s final judge and a mighty prophet in Israel. He anointed David as their king, from who’s lineage Jesus would come as King of kings and Lord of lords!
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Elkanah moved in faith and love. We can see that he loved God and His word because he carefully followed His instruction to meet together in worship and sacrifice. As a result, he experienced the blessings for obedience that God promised through Moses in Deuteronomy chapter 28. God’s word remains the same for us today – we are called to live in a faith-community and meet regularly for corporate worship, the teaching, preaching, and ministering of His word, and for prayer. This should supplement our own daily individual worship, prayer, and time in the word, and as men, the spiritual leadership of our marriage and family into those same disciplines. The strength of Elkanah and Hannah’s marriage was that they pursued God together in the midst of their challenges in life.
Elkanah was loving, generous, and kind to Hannah, but he struggled to handle conflict and emotion that came from infertility. He needed to deal with the heart and behavior of Peninnah with healthy confrontation, communication, and boundaries in order to protect Hannah. Peninnah was obviously dealing with her own pain and insecurity that resulted in her hurting the people who were closest to her. As the head of his family, Elkanah was responsible for addressing any instability and disunity as early and directly as possible.
Sincerely loving Hannah didn’t mean Elkanah was fully capable of stewarding the emotions of her heart. In fact, it may have been his own insecurity and inadequacy that caused him to shift, distract, and deflect the focus and attention onto himself rather than hearing and sharing the experience of Hannah’s sorrow with compassion. Instead, he became defensive and logical while trying to hurry his wife past her pain and into contentment. The truth is, God created us with emotions that are good and healthy to experience, communicate, and share with those we love. The circumstances that cause the emotion are not always good, but whether painful or delightful, the design is to point and move us into experiencing, sharing, and processing every emotion with God and the people he shows us to trust them with. We connect with our wife and loved ones through communicated emotions, and as men, gaining our security and identity from the truth of God’s word enables us to acknowledge and explore God-given emotions with our wife instead of avoiding and stuffing them. This is how strong and healthy marriages develop.
As a man who has experienced over a decade of infertility and is still contending for breakthrough, every one of these truths have been instilled in me from experience. I had to replace the lack of knowledge (of God and his word – Hosea 4:6), identity, and security that resulted in people pleasing and fear of man with the knowledge of God and (healthy) fear of the Lord. I had and still have to value and exalt God’s word above anything else – especially medical test results, doctor’s reports, and everything my eyes and ears tell me apart from God’s truth. Only then could I love and lead my wife well through the tests that come with infertility and this human life – disappointment, frustration, fear, jealousy, bitterness, and offenses. Where I once failed to communicate and avoided emotions, I can now clearly express things like, “I’m sad that we’re not parents yet”, “you’re going to be an amazing mother”, and “I’m praying and believing that we will be pregnant soon.” It didn’t come easily or quickly, but in the process, God is preparing us and you to become parents and good stewards of world-changing children for His eternal glory!
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Read Hannah’s prayer in verses 1 Samuel 1:10-16. What emotions are described? When is the last time you brought and expressed these feelings to God? How do you think He will react and respond the next time you do?
What was your history with emotions – did you stuff them or allow them to dictate your life? Are you able to share yours now with your wife and learn about hers on a regular basis?
Do you know and follow God’s instructions like Elkanah? Are you regularly meeting in God’s house, corporately and individually worshipping Him, and spending time with Him in prayer?
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Read 1 Samuel chapter 12, which is a life summary and farewell address from Elkanah’s son Samuel. Notice what he says are the most important things. Remember all the great things the Lord has done. Fear and worship the Lord with all your heart and listen to his voice. Don’t be afraid. Pray, teach, and serve. Elkanah and all of us who follow are not perfect at this, but we can be completely dependent, devoted, and submitted to the faithful, unfailing God who is.